Eternal youth is just a few child blood infusions away, according to new research out of Stanford University.

Harvesting the blood, vital organs and other body parts out of innocent children and implanting all of it into aging adults is the key, “experts” say, to living forever. And the UK-based Telegraph newspaper seems to agree.

In a series of tweets, the Telegraph appears to celebrate the news that children – the younger the better – can be butchered up and turned into “anti-aging” remedies for adults.

“Historically, cultures have revered the blood of the young,” Telegraph Life tweeted, suggesting that murdering babies and children for their life essence is a wholesome and respectable tradition.

“It was even rumoured that Kim Jong-il, the former North Korean dictator, injected himself with blood from healthy young virgins to slow the ageing process.”

Describing the horrific concept as “youth transplants,” the Telegraph published a lengthy exposé about how achieving immortality (more like absolute immorality) is as simple as drinking from the fountain of youth.

“The fountain of youth, it seems, is youth itself,” wrote Sarah Knapton, the Telegraph‘s science editor.

Young fecal microbes implanted into older bodies could reduce aging in eyes, stomach

According to Knapton, harvesting actual blood and body parts from real-life children is not what she is personally suggesting, anyway. Science, she says, can create artificial replicas of these things and turn them into pharmaceutical drugs.

“Young people have more powerful cells which operate more efficiently and could restore vitality to ageing systems,” she explains.

Researchers at Stanford tested this out on mice, showing that infused cerebrospinal fluid collected from young mice and implanted into old mice improve the older mice’s brain function, “a breakthrough which could have enormous implications for dementia and other neurodegenerative conditions,” Knapton contends.

“Cerebrospinal fluid is a clear liquid found within the tissue that surrounds the brain and spinal cord of humans, and is packed full of nutrients, signaling molecules and growth factors which nourish neurons,” she adds.

Another less invasive but still-somewhat-disturbing application of this involves fecal transplants. Researchers from the Quadram Institute in Norwich, Great Britain, found that collecting fecal microbes from young mice and implanting them into older mice reversed aging in both the eyes and the stomach.

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